God's thoughts....

Isaiah tells us that our thoughts are not like God's thoughts and that God's ways are not like our ways. I don't understand that. I try so hard to understand what He is doing, but I cannot. I don't know why I must suffer so many afflictions and be in so much pain all the time. Dr. Charles Stanley says that when we are suffering afflictions that God is bringing us closer to Him, causing us to have spiritual growth. I don't feel closer, and I don't feel that I have grown. I'm just more confused than ever. I know that God does not have to explain all this to me. I also know that He sees the BIG picture, the eternal picture, and that I am only a small part of it, but I feel that I am me, and I am the one who is suffering. If He is my Loving Father, then He should not allow this. My earthly Daddy would not, and my husband would not treat his bride this way. We are also told that we should have faith, that God is in control. If we look at Job, we can see a huge amount of suffering that ended in a huge blessing in the end. But, I am not a man. I am a woman. I see things and feel things much differently than a man. And I do not want all this pain and suffering. I would just like to feel good for a while. Most of my illnesses prevent me from traveling, visiting friends I would like to see, and even from cleaning my own house. Sometimes, I don't even feel up to reading or writing. I know that one of our famous preachers, maybe Sturgeon, suffered from severe depression. There again, a man. But I am a woman. I have responsibilities. I have a ministry that no man could ever manage. So why does this go on? What am I to learn? Some say I am being protected from things that could happen if I went on my own way. What could that be? Well, it's a very difficult thing to learn to trust, even after all these years, when all this just continues. After all, I have much to do. I know. There are a lot of "I"s in there. But those "I"s are the things I believe God called me to do. So what is the deal? Thank you for listening.